I started writing about parenting Eli’s anger a year ago. A YEAR. Quite frankly it’s wearing me down.
It used to be that he would keep it together all day at school, then come home and just fall apart. But now we homeschool, and he doesn’t have to keep it together (I keep reminding myself that’s a GOOD thing). So he yells at me for rather small things…
– there isn’t any meat to put in his scrambled eggs
– his math is too hard
– his math is too easy
– the milk was put away when we should have known he wanted some
– he didn’t know we had plans Saturday (so he made plans without asking)
– he shouldn’t have to show me his work
– the girls should be silent during school
and so on.
After a year of counseling, we had him tested and found out he has ADHD with a focus issue rather than a hyperactivity issue. They were able to test the different areas of his brain and find out where the bottleneck is (pretty cool). So now we have to figure out what to do with this information.
On a daily basis, I do a lot of praying, and breathing, and reminding him that I’m helping him, and having him go outside until he can be respectful. The lock screen on my phone says “We must exchange whispers with God before shouts wit the world” by Lysa Terkeurst. I pray every single time I see this. I remind myself that one of us must be calm, and I have to model a calm response.
And I pray and breathe some more.
And sometimes I cry, because all of the anger inside of me that I won’t let come out in words and volume still wants to come out. So I choose tears. Sometimes I take a shower (again) because it’s quiet. Sometimes I call Chad.
And sadly, sometimes I yell back. Because I’m only flesh and I mess up. But then I see how it scares my girls to see me lose control. They NEED me to be the one in control, so I do my best to be what they need.
Maybe you live with an angry person – I’m sorry and I love you and you are not alone. There is help and hope.
Maybe you are the angry person – I’m sorry and I love you and you are not defined by this. There is help and hope.
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