I’ve called Eli that for a long time.  When I tuck him in at night, I give him a kiss and hug, and say “You’re my favorite boy.”  After a while he started replying, “You’re my favorite mom.”  Talk about your heart being full!

I don’t take these moments lightly.  This boy makes my heart full, but he also makes my head hurt.  He makes my blood pressure rise.  He makes my VOICE rise.  He makes my spanking hand come out.  He puzzles me on a daily basis.  He hurts his sisters on a daily basis.  He gets sent to his room on a daily basis. He makes me come up with new discipline tactics regularly.  This boy confounds me.

BUT… he has the best smile, and the best laugh, and he can be the sweetest boy I know.  He asks deep questions about God and heaven and death and life, and sometimes I really don’t know how to answer such grown up questions in little boy words.  He makes me anxious to see what he’ll do for God one day.

Those “buts” are important.  I’m reading through Psalms right now, and David has it full of those important “buts”.  (Eli would be laughing pretty hard right about now).  David lays his heart out before the Lord, about his trials and tribulations, his enemies, his lows, his fears, everything.  He knew that God was big enough to handle his venting.  I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again – God knows what I’m feeling whether I tell him or not, so I like to be honest with Him.  It’s not always pretty though.  Anyway… David lays his heart out, then that oh so important “but” comes in, where he chooses to trust God and His faithfulness.  This is where his head steps back in after his heart has had its turn.  He knows God.  His heart is feeling a bunch of crap, but his head knows the truth even when his heart doesn’t feel it.

Tonight, the kids were in bed at 7:30, like usual.  But tonight at 10pm Eli was still awake.  I had threatened, I had yelled, I had counted to three… then the Tin Caps fireworks started at 9:50, and I discovered that he was still awake and the “thunder” was scaring him.  Then I realized – I can’t yell or threaten him into being tired enough to sleep.  It just can’t be done.  So I went in and laid down with him.  I explained why it was so important for him to sleep, that I don’t want him to be crabby at school tomorrow, but happy and learning.  I rubbed his hair.  I said, “You really are my favorite boy.  You know that?”  And Eli said, “I know.  Because you tell me that every day.”  And I will keep saying it.  He is my favorite boy.  He makes me so, so mad.  But I love him too much to not shape his character through these times, and teach him what it means to be a good man who loves God and loves His people.

Lord, this boy frustrates me, and most of the time I really don’t understand him.  His body doesn’t seem to be able to handle his energy, and I don’t know what to do.  He hurts his sisters regularly, and I don’t know what to do.  He tells me he hates me, and I don’t know what to do.


BUT, You made him.  You know him.  You love him even more than I do.  You don’t give up on me, You don’t give up on him, and I promise I won’t either.  You created him the way he is – please show me  how to guide this little creation.  Fill me with Your patience when mine is gone.  Thank You for giving me Eli, my favorite boy.