Poor timing

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Have you ever noticed how terrible kids’ timing is?  They never puke while you’re still awake (usually somewhere in the 12-3am range), they realize they don’t have a drink the minute you’re ready to eat your own food that you’ve FINALLY managed to get on your plate, they don’t need you until you’re in the bathroom, they wake up early on Saturdays… and on and on in a comical list that I know many others could add to, and we would all nod in a sad sense of understanding and empathy.

My kids are now 6, 7, and 8, and their poor timing is coming out more and more in their words.  Grace (8) is getting smarter and more aware of the world around her.  This tends to come out in the form of understanding our sarcasm and occasionally trying her hand at using it.  At the wrong time.  Like when I’m disciplining her, or hanging on by my fingernails to the end of the rope.  Or she does what we now call “pushing back” because she argues with us when we call it arguing (yes, I see the obvious there).  All of the times that she says “but can I” after we’ve said No just about makes me start twitching.

Eli (7) has an amazing gift for turning on the TV at precisely the wrong moment…like just after I’ve told them to put their shoes on.  Or told them that supper is ready.  Or that it’s bedtime.  Truly, it’s remarkable.  If it were physically possible for lasers to shoot out of my eyes, this would be the time for it to happen.

And then there’s Ada (6).  Oh, Ada.  Ada’s big thing right now is, “Well when I’m a grown up…” and then she tells me how she’ll do this parenting gig better than I am currently.  Like this morning – I told her to wash her hands and face after having waffles, but please don’t turn the kitchen faucet onto the sprinkler (it’s really hard to turn back).  ”Well when I’m a grown up I will OWN this house.  And I will have kids and I will let them use the faucet like a sprinkler because I will be the one making the rules.”  OK, Ada.  And tonight, we were having yet another discussion about cleaning her room.  Her consequence was that whatever wasn’t picked up off of her floor by bedtime would be confiscated, so I was in following through with my promise, and she said, “Well when I’m a grown up, I won’t make my kids clean their rooms, and I won’t spank them (this was not for cleaning, this was for hitting her sister with an umbrella in anger) – I will only speak to them kindly.”  OK, Ada.  Perhaps telling me while I’m taking 2 boxes full of toys that I’m not parenting right is poor timing because let me tell you – this isn’t exactly the bright shining spot in my day either.

Here’s where it gets tough – we are  c o n s t a n t l y  teaching our kids.  I have to teach Grace if what she said was inappropriate and why, and I have to do it in a calm voice.  I have to explain to Eli why turning the TV on right now is a poor choice and there will be a consequence, and I have to do it in a calm voice.  I have to let Ada have ideas about how she will parent, and I can’t let it force a reaction out of me because I AM the parent.  There’s no point in arguing because she’s 6 – she’ll probably change her mind in the next 20 years.  Kids have poor timing, and unless I teach them, they will become adults with poor timing and spouses with poor timing.

My goal is not to raise robots, but it most certainly is to raise respectful adults who love God and love people.


 

Mother’s Day from my kids

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It’s rather handy that our schools do Mother’s Day projects with my kids :)

Eli made a four-panel card.  The outside says “Special Moments with Mom” and inside of each panel has a different moment written and drawn.  The first says “You go on dates with me” with a picture of us at Toys R Us buying some Legos.  The second says “I like to be with you” with a picture of us walking and holding hands.  The third says “I like going out with you” with a picture of us eating at Pizza Hut together.  And the fourth says “I love you mom!” with a picture of us inside of a heart.  My sweet boy.

At Ada’s school they put together a booklet with a little note from all of the kids answering something about their mom.  I love these.
My favorite recipe my mom makes for me: Mac N Cheese.  This is my favorite because it has cheese and I can lick it.  Use butter, milk, and cheese.  In package.  Noodles too.  Add water.  Once you pour out the hot water add the noodles, cheese, butter, and milk. Cool off.  I forget how long it takes to cook, but I wait about a half a minute.
What makes my mom so special? My mom always loves me.  She hugs and kiss me good night.  She makes food for us to eat.  She looks after me.  She promises that God loves me.  That makes me feel happy.  Sometimes when I go to bed early she reads me a bedtime story.  My mom is special.
My mom always says: she likes my buns. (The girl’s got a cute butt)
My mom cooks the best: pasta roni.
My  mom really loves: the color green and blue, and singing.
My mom and I like to: have a mother-daughter date.  We go shopping.
My mom’s favorite clothes to wear: are dresses. (I think that’s Ada’s favorite)
My mom is beautiful because: she has beautiful make-up.


 

Wednesday Wit

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Ada: Dad, you better come quick.  I accidentally flushed the toilet twice, and now it’s rising.  You better come clog it.
Chad: I think you already clogged it.

Eli: I have SEVEN girls at school already who are attracted to me.
Me: Oh yeah?  What does that mean if they’re attracted to you?
Eli: It means they think I’m cute and they want to hug and kiss me.
Me: Oh.  Do you let them?
Eli: NO!!
Ada: Maybe someday you’ll have more girls attracted to you.
Eli: No, seven is plenty.  I don’t think I could handle anymore.
It’s a heavy load he bears. 

Ada: I heard the SH word on tv.
Me: You did?  What’s the SH word?
Ada: I can say it?
Me: Yes, you can say it to me, so we can talk about what it is.
Ada: (looking around) It’s sh…. (looks around more) shut up.


 

The boy

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Eli is rebelling against boundaries right now with full force.  Of course I expect him to do this, but that doesn’t mean it’s fun to live with.  This post is mostly a picture reminder to myself of the sweet boy I’ve gotten to parent over the past almost eight years, and that I will make it through this… as I have everything else.

 

I should have gray hair

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Me: I told you to get in bed.
Grace: I am in bed.
Me: No, you’re sitting ON your bed, playing with toys.  That’s not what I meant, and I think you know that.

Grace: Can I have dessert tonight?
Me: Not tonight.
Grace: What about candy?

Eli has learned the trick of muting the TV instead of turning it off.

Me: Ada, please stop playing with that noisy toy in the kitchen.
Ada: Is it annoying?
Me: A little.
Ada: Well, you should let kids make noise sometimes.
Me: (breathing, breathing) Your places to be noisy are upstairs and outside, not in the kitchen when I’m cooking your breakfast.


 

 

A letter to my teenage self

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Dear Janna:

I want to talk to you about that boy.  The boy who didn’t treat you very well.  First, I want to tell you that you need to forgive yourself.  For staying with him as long as you did.  For not standing up to him.  For not being as strong as you think you should have been.  It’s not your fault.  Second, I want to tell you that he is not the one God is preparing for you to marry.  The one God is preparing for you is safe and kind and gentle and will never make you feel scared.  THIS is how God wants you to feel in a relationship and THIS is how you deserve to feel in a relationship.

That boy moved you along in your relationship physically much quicker than you wanted, and you knew in your heart that it wasn’t right, but you didn’t say anything.  That doesn’t mean it was your fault.  You were confused and didn’t know what to say or do.  It’s ok.  No boy has the right to set the physical boundary in the relationship without your consent.  No boy has the right to tell you how you should kiss him, so that you would question yourself in future relationships.  You shouldn’t be critiqued in a relationship.  Your husband will not treat you like this.  When you are dating he will respect your boundaries, and he will not judge you.

That boy wanted to control you when you were with your friends and wouldn’t let you talk to other guys.  In your heart you knew that wasn’t right, but you didn’t say anything.  You thought that maybe you hurt his feelings.  It’s ok, it’s not your fault.  He was insecure.  No one has the right to pull your arm so hard that it hurts.  No one has the right to hurt you.  He could have used his words if he was upset, but that’s not what he did.  He made the bad choice, not you.  Your husband will not treat you like this.  First, he will be confident enough in your relationship to understand that you have both girl and guy friends.  Second, when he is upset about something he will use his words, not his hands.  Ever.

That boy shook his fist in your face and told you not to piss him off, but you didn’t break up with him right away, because you thought you could handle it.  No one has the right to threaten you.  I know you’re mad that you didn’t stand up for yourself.  I know you’re mad that you didn’t break up with him on the spot, but he did just threaten to hit you so it’s understandable.  It’s ok, it’s not your fault.  The point is, you did get out of it.  You got out before he hit you.  You never let him hit you.  Your husband will not EVER treat you like this.  He will NEVER threaten you.  He will NEVER treat you like some sort of object.  He will NEVER think so little of you.  He will love you the way God has commanded him to.  You will be safe with him.

When you broke up with him, you were scared.  That boy yelled at you.  He sobbed.  He yelled at you more, then he sobbed more.  All while he was driving you home.  You did the right thing.  YOU ended the relationship.  YOU were brave.  When he walked you to the front door, YOU shut it behind you.  YOU DID IT.  I’m so proud of you.  You were so young, and so little.  But you did it.  You feel like you didn’t stand up for yourself, BUT YOU DID.  Your husband will never treat you like this.  You will never, ever be scared with him.  He will protect you.  When he holds you, you will know that this is the man God prepared for you, and He prepared you for him.

I’m so sorry.  I’m sorry you went through that.  I’m sorry that you almost changed who you were to meet that boy’s requirements.  I’m sorry that you have no good memories of your time with him.  But I’m so proud of you.  You realized that you deserve so much more.  God created you, and it was not to be treated like that.  God’s desire is for you to be loved like Christ loved the church, and that is not how He modeled love.

You need to forgive yourself, because you did nothing wrong.  I know you let yourself down, but what happened was not your fault.  You just wait, because the man you’re going to marry is right around the corner, and you will know right away that he is the one.  And he is amazing.


 

What’s my story?

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**This is a post that was a draft…I’ve done some tweaking.

What’s my story?  I don’t really have one – either in the blogging world or in my spiritual life.  It seems like most of the blogs I read are written by women who have a story – adoption, a child with special needs, addiction, a husband in the military, homeschooling, infertility – a story to share with other woman, and bond with them on a level that anyone outside of the circle could never fully understand.  But it seems like as Christians we are supposed to have a story (our testimony) to be ready to share at any moment.  So I’ve been thinking about this, and praying, and waiting for some whispers from God.  I’m still not sure that I have a “story”, but here are some blips that would probably make it in there somewhere, things that God might use.

  • In my spiritual life I didn’t have a mountain-top moment where I decided to accept Christ’s offer of salvation, a moment whose date and place will forever be etched in my mind.  I did accept Christ’s salvation, but it was more of a process.  I went to church all through my childhood and didn’t know that I wasn’t a Christian – I just thought I wasn’t a very good one.  I then learned that there is a difference between knowing ABOUT Jesus and having a relationship WITH Him.  I’m learning that it’s OK to not have that “moment” because when I meet someone who asks if I have a moment, and I say no, and they seem relieved because they don’t either, I think God uses it.
  • One of my boyfriends (NOT the one I ended up marrying) became very controlling, and while shaking a fist in my face threatened that I shouldn’t piss him off.  I’m not proud to say that I didn’t break up with him right away, but I’m forever grateful that I broke up with him before anything else happened.  There is no amount of good in a significant other that outweighs that kind of bad, and when I share that story with a young girl or her mom, I think God uses it.
  • Chad and I started having sex when we were in high school.  Yep.  I don’t judge pregnant teens because I could have been one.  We regret that we didn’t wait until we were married, and I can’t begin to tell you how often I thank God that I did marry Chad and neither of us has been with anyone else.  That still doesn’t change the fact that this particular sin caused us some struggles early on in our marriage.  And even though I married the boy I slept with, I STILL wish we had saved that for marriage.  I questioned God’s forgiveness for YEARS after we were married.  It’s a big deal.  And when I share that story, I think God uses it.
  • Chad and I have been married for 12.5 years already, and my goal for our marriage is that we would be a safe place for others to come to – not because our marriage is perfect, but because we work at it every single day, because I choose to love Chad every single day.  I want others to notice how much we love and respect each other. And when that happens, I think God uses it.
  • Our kids are eleven months apart and eighteen months apart.  So far all five us have survived.  When I meet an overwhelmed mom whose kids are close together, and I’ve made it past the stage she’s in, I think God uses it.

Maybe our stories are made up of the little everyday-ness of life.  Maybe it’s the moments of, “I’ve been through that, and here’s how I survived.”  Maybe it’s just having someone to make us feel like we’re not alone.


 

It’s a tricky thing, having a blog

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I currently have three blog posts sitting as “drafts”.  Why?  Because it can be tricky having a blog.  Each of these posts just might offend some people, particularly the people who inspired me to write them.

If you have a blog, you know what I mean.  If you’ve had a blog post written ABOUT you, you know what I mean.  Something that made me mad, something that hurt my feelings, something that makes one relationship particularly close (therefore not another), something I want to give counsel to anonymously… things that are on my mind and heart, but will be left as drafts.  Maybe just getting them written is all the therapy I need, so those words are no longer in my head.

Now I’ve probably made some people wonder if they have a post sitting as a draft.  Probably. :)


 

I don’t need you

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I don’t mean YOU, I do need YOU.  Today I’m thinking about THINGS I don’t need.  Please to enjoy.

  • I don’t need you, Fine China.  I have three children, so when do really expensive, really breakable dishes become handy?  When I want to feel fancy we get out candles and cloth napkins.  Done.  That’s as fancy as I get.
  • I don’t need you, Valentine’s Day.  My husband loves me well year round, so don’t go marketing yourself all cheap and easy like with flowers and chocolates.  A gift he doesn’t have to put thought into isn’t a gift I want.
  • I don’t need you, New Year’s Eve.  You’re just a flip of the calendar just like the other eleven months.  And, by the way, my kids will be up by 7am regardless, so I will be in bed long before midnight.  But don’t worry, I’ll still kiss my husband first – I can do that anytime.
  • I don’t need you, color-coordinated holidays.  I can’t wear pink or red on Valentine’s Day (you already know my thoughts about you), green on St. Patrick’s Day, red/white/blue on the Fourth of July – I just can’t.  I will plan my wardrobe accordingly if we’re traveling during those days just to make sure I don’t accidentally wear those colors.  That would be so embarrassing.  **I don’t care if others wear those colors, I don’t make fun of them, they can wear whatever they want.  So can I.
  • I don’t need you, traditions that make no sense to me.  Cutting the cake at a wedding?  Why?  Why are you a big deal?  I can’t bring myself to stand in a crowd for something I can’t see anyway to take a picture of you eating cake.  I’m still happy for your wedding and marriage, and I’ll still enjoy the cake, I just don’t get this tradition.  **This is not meant to take away from you doing this at your wedding, it’s your wedding!  Do what you want!

I know there are more, I’m sure my husband could quickly add to this list.  But for now that’s the end of my rant.  What about you?  What don’t you need?