Ada’s world is very black and white.  Rules exist, she knows all of them, and she expects you to follow them.  However, she is a master of finding loopholes and she will jump through them all the live long day until she is caught.  Unless she is explicitly told NOT to do something, in her world, that means she CAN do it.  She has taught me to be very clear and thorough when giving instructions.

Today after school, Eli came to the car in tears.  Ada had tricked him into talking in the carpool line so he has to pull a card in class tomorrow (their discipline system, every card that they pull brings a greater consequence).  But even though Ada also talked, she didn’t get caught so she didn’t have to pull a card.  I explained to Eli that he controls his actions, not Ada, so the consequence would stick, even though it feels unfair to him.

Then there’s Ada.  In her little “evil genius” brain, she found a loophole.  If Eli just talks louder than her (which is every minute of every day) then he will be the one to take the fall. So I made a phone call.  I spoke with her teacher and explained the situation, then asked if I could request that Ada pull a card in school tomorrow. (Can parents do that?)  She said yes, and understood.  I thanked her and hung up.  Ada was less than thrilled.  Here is where the easy part with Ada comes in, she is quite rational.  I explained to her that if she and Eli broke the same rule, and that rule has the same consequence, then they should have the same consequence.  She had no argument for me, she didn’t even try.  That was the end of it.

So much of parenting is trying to understand our kids, then working within that knowledge. I unfortunately understand Ada the best, which makes the other two seem more difficult.  I know that they aren’t though, I just need to work harder at really knowing them – how they think, why they respond the way they do, what motivates them, etc.  And THAT job will never, ever end.

PS – if you think about it, pray for Ada’s future husband.

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