I was riding in an elevator this weekend with a very nice couple who had twelve children (yes…twelve) and a woman got on the elevator who only heard those two words.  Her reply was, “TWELVE??  You must be crazy.”  Ouch.  The saintly woman who birthed a dozen was very gracious and said that having twelve was not much different than having three (we had discussed my Littles), you just do things for longer.  Truth be told, it was that “longer” part that got me, my stages seem to last plenty long.  She got off the elevator too soon though, because I wanted to say something encouraging to her, ensuring her that I didn’t think she was crazy.

Why do we say things like that?  When I was in the grocery store with a two year old, one year old, and pregnant, I got all kinds of thoughtless words… and wordless looks.  Yes, I know what causes it.  Yes, I have my hands full.  Yes, they’re mine.   No, they’re not twins. And I still hear thoughtless words, not necessarily directed at me, but they still hurt just because I’m hearing them.  Do you hear them?  Those words, coming out of your mouth, you hear them right?  Do you know that mom?  Do you know what she’s dealing with?  Do you know if any of her kids have special needs?  Do you know if she has a husband to help out at home?  Do you know if she HAS to work two jobs and juggle all of this?  No?  You don’t know the answers to ANY of those questions?  Then perhaps you just think for one second that she’s doing the best she can.  Maybe today you’re catching her at her breaking point.  Maybe she’s running in the red and can’t catch a break to just breathe.  Maybe being in the yellow looks like a great vacation for her.

I used to be like this about moms who only have one child.  She can’t know how hard it is, she only has one.  Well, having one is harder than not having any.  It’s an adjustment going from zero to one, and one to two, and so on.  When I had one, I didn’t know that it was going to get harder.  YOU CAN’T KNOW.  Thoughtless words.  There are probably people who think I have it easy.  Maybe I do.  But I don’t know, because I haven’t lived their lives.

Maybe I’m getting more sensitive.  Maybe God’s refining me, and teaching me to be less judgmental.  I don’t know.  I’m hoping God’s refining me into a better version of myself.  I give you all permission to keep me accountable on this one.  But be warned, I might be less tolerant of thoughtless words from now on…

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