She’s somewhere inside us moms. She’s usually sleeping — but with one eye always open. She’s ready to wake up and spring into action at a moment’s notice and does not discriminate. She will attack anyone, anywhere, anytime. I don’t care if it’s your sweet 6 year-old at church…if I see her slap MY child one more time it’s going down. I’ll forgive once – chances are he deserved it. Twice – no sir.
And don’t be fooled. Momma Bear does NOT look like this:
No, no. Momma Bear looks like THIS.
Yesterday, Momma Bear came out at my unsuspecting son. Sigh. We’ve had problems for a long time with his anger coming out in violence. He used to bite his sisters. Then one day I bit him back. That’s right. I pulled up his sleeve and bit his arm. Don’t go calling DCS on me, I didn’t break the skin. He didn’t bite them anymore. Then he started pinching. Yep, I pinched him. Then he started kicking. That’s where I draw the line. I did NOT kick my son. He was kicking the girls (mostly Grace) in the crotch, back, face, leg, stomach… pretty much anywhere. We’ve tried spankings, taking toys, removing a bed (he has bunks), missing events, you name it. I’ve tried giving him alternatives for what he CAN do when he’s angry, I don’t stop him when he’s screaming and throwing things in his room…
He has been much better lately, it’s been a while since he kicked either of the girls (I hate that I am actually saying those words). But yesterday it happened again. Grace made him mad (she has mastered that skill) and he kicked her in the back. So I took him in the other room. I said, “If there was a boy at school being mean to Grace, I think you would stop him. You would be mad and you would try to protect your sister. I would too. I would be mad and I would talk to a teacher or the principal and I would make sure it didn’t happen again. Because my job is to protect my children. And now YOU’RE the bully. YOU’RE the mean kid. YOU’RE the mean boy who is kicking my daughter and I have to protect her from YOU!” And every time I said you or you’re I poked him in the chest. I’m not bragging on my clearly awesome parenting skills here, I was upset, and making a point. I then hugged him and told him I love him, and he’s a good boy, but he needs to also be a good brother.
I was talking this over with my friend Sheri (you can learn much from her here and here) and she encouraged me that Eli needs to know Momma Bear. He needs to know that I will protect the girls from anyone, including him. But he ALSO needs to know that I will protect HIM from anyone. There is security to be found in Momma Bear. He can feel safe because of Momma Bear. I will take on a man three times my size if he threatens my child, even if I know I’ll lose. I want all three of my children to know that. I might go down, but this Momma will go down swinging!
Swing on, girl! SWING! I appreciated this post and appreciate how you painted a new picture to give Eli a different perspective, too. Good stuff, Janna-momma!!! 🙂
Janna,
I love your blog. I love your parenting (which is why I love your blog). You share from the heart and you are always looking for the tools, direction, emotion and path to lead your children to the best and healthiest place. I am so proud of you as a mom, and I am grateful to share life with you.