Category Archives: More About Me

Grieving at a Hillsong Concert

I’ve mentioned here before that I don’t like to cry – I feel like the tears are controlling my body instead of me.  But I’m still in a grieving period over the loss of Pastor Stan Buck, and I cry about that regularly.

There is this song called “Forever Reign” by Hillsong, and it somehow was the song that we sang at church when Pastor Stan was diagnosed, then his first Sunday back after surgery and chemo, whenever he had a clear scan, then when he was re-diagnosed, and on the day that he died.  This song holds a … Read the rest

My Failed Attempt at Running

There’s that saying that the only failure is in not trying, or something like that.  I personally disagree.  If I KNOW I’m going to fail, I don’t want to try.  It’s too big of a blow to my pride to fail.  I would really much rather not try than fail.  Those are definitely two separate experiences for me.

“I don’t run,” I’ve always said, and blamed it on my asthma.  I actually grew out of asthma when I was 18, but it does somehow make a comeback when I run – even one length of a gym.  But I need … Read the rest

My Deepest, Darkest, Most Ugly Secret

Here goes.  This is tough for me.  This secret lies in the farthest corner of my heart, where it’s dark and no one is allowed.  It’s in a locked drawer.  But the problem is that I am allowed there.  And being there alone is … lonely.

I don’t love being a mom.  I don’t always love being with my kids.  Sometimes, in the deep trenches of parenting, I think Chad and I would have been perfectly happy as just the two of us.

I’ve kept the secret locked up tight because I was afraid of the judgement and suggestions I … Read the rest

Another Chapter in the ENT Melodrama

I’ve written too many times about my time at the ENT doctor.  Well I went again last week because I’ve had some large white spots in the back of my throat for 2.5 months that my family doctor thought was tonsillitis, but two rounds of antibiotics still hadn’t cleared it up.

You remember my ENT right?  He calls me a “mixed bag”.  Not your “usual patient”.  I’ve been seeing him for four years for chronic sinusitis and migraines that are now controlled by nasal spray, daily preventative meds, and glasses for astigmatism that I didn’t know I had.

Good times.  … Read the rest

Tears on water day

Today I spent a couple hours in Ada’s Kindergarten classroom.  Tomorrow is their last day of school, but tomorrow I work, so I went in today to be with her.  And this building is only Pre-K and Kindergarten, so tomorrow marks the end of our season in this building.  And THIS, friends, makes me very sad.

First, it was room cleaning time.  The kids got to choose which area they worked in.  I had the great privilege of sorting and organizing the hundreds of books.  They are all labeled 1-45, depending on the subject, and are supposed to be in … Read the rest

I choose to be thankful

Every once in a while I notice that I’ve had a string of blog posts that are relatively negative – a sort of venting if you will – as I get it all out there that’s bugging me so I can get you to commiserate with me, and maybe I can offer a bit of “you’re not alone” hope to you.  I will now take a break from crawling through the trenches to lay on my back, look up to the sky, and praise the Father for all He has given to me.

  • I’m thankful that I have three healthy
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A letter to my teenage self

Dear Janna:

I want to talk to you about that boy.  The boy who didn’t treat you very well.  First, I want to tell you that you need to forgive yourself.  For staying with him as long as you did.  For not standing up to him.  For not being as strong as you think you should have been.  It’s not your fault.  Second, I want to tell you that he is not the one God is preparing for you to marry.  The one God is preparing for you is safe and kind and gentle and will never make you … Read the rest

What’s my story?

**This is a post that was a draft…I’ve done some tweaking.

What’s my story?  I don’t really have one – either in the blogging world or in my spiritual life.  It seems like most of the blogs I read are written by women who have a story – adoption, a child with special needs, addiction, a husband in the military, homeschooling, infertility – a story to share with other woman, and bond with them on a level that anyone outside of the circle could never fully understand.  But it seems like as Christians we are supposed to have a … Read the rest

I don’t need you

I don’t mean YOU, I do need YOU.  Today I’m thinking about THINGS I don’t need.  Please to enjoy.

  • I don’t need you, Fine China.  I have three children, so when do really expensive, really breakable dishes become handy?  When I want to feel fancy we get out candles and cloth napkins.  Done.  That’s as fancy as I get.
  • I don’t need you, Valentine’s Day.  My husband loves me well year round, so don’t go marketing yourself all cheap and easy like with flowers and chocolates.  A gift he doesn’t have to put thought into isn’t a gift I want.
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Where is she?

OK, maybe you haven’t been wondering that about me, but I haven’t been on here lately.  I just haven’t had anything to write.  I’m working on closing my laptop more so I can be more intentional with my kids.  I’m working on having more intentional time with God rather than just checking off that I read my Bible and moving on.  Oh sure, a blog post might come out of one of those things, but so far it hasn’t, and I’m ok with that.  I can’t force it.  AND Grace has the lovely ISTEP tests next week for the first … Read the rest