Fear on My Child’s Face

Parenting
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I hate seeing fear on my children’s faces.  When it storms, when there’s a big dog, when they were little and they couldn’t find me… it hurts my heart.

But.  There is absolutely nothing worse in the world than seeing fear on my child’s face and knowing it’s because I’m yelling at my child.

I used to yell a lot.  I just snapped all the time.  Grievances big and small, legitimate or small kid stuff, it didn’t matter.  I snapped.  I didn’t have the margin in my life (mentally or emotionally) to handle it in an appropriate way, and I wasn’t giving my poor kids any grace.

Then one day my eyes were opened to those sweet faces, and the fear in their eyes, and the fact that they were scared.  Of me.  I knew I had to change.  I HAD to stop yelling at my children.

I had to listen to them more and respond sooner when they called me, because I got angry when they said, “mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, MOM!” when really I was the one not listening.

I had to listen to them more when they were arguing and jump in sooner before it turned into a full on WWE event, because I got angry when someone got hurt.  I could have prevented it if I was listening more closely.

I had to shift my thinking, and I asked myself often, “How would I treat a friend in this?”  No they are not my friends, and I am not theirs.  I am their mom.  But I wasn’t acting like their momma, and I wasn’t letting them be kids.  I needed to extend grace and be nicer.  I got angry when they spilled something.

I had to stop doing less important things so I didn’t always feel interrupted.  Or else I had to deal with being interrupted.  They need me, plain and simple.  Either I can keep fighting that, or I can learn to allow it into my day.  I heard a speaker once say that motherhood is the ministry of interruption.  Amen!  What they need might not really be important, but THEY are important.  I want them to know that they are important.  More important than my phone, my laptop, my book, the TV, all of it.

It has taken a long time to get to this place, but I don’t see fear on my child’s face anymore when we talk.  I haven’t arrived yet, Eli tells me I could improve some more 🙂

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2 thoughts on “Fear on My Child’s Face”

  1. Hey Janna. I know I’m really late on this but I just stumbled onto your blog. This post on fear really meant a lot to me. I find myself sharing many if these frustrations when my boys do these things and then I always feel crappy after I realize how I responded. Cassie and I really look up to you and chad as parents so it’s encouraging to know I can get there someday. Thanks for your willingness and honesty in sharing.

    1. Jason – you and Cassie are so inspiring to us! You’re so calm and patient with your boys. I’m glad the post encouraged you. Please know that we are not “there”, I’m not sure we ever will be 🙂

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