I need to give you a bit of back story for this one…

Grace is 10 and has been lying to us about seemingly insignificant things.  This scares the snot out of me.

Eli is 9 and has some anger control issues.  And impulse control issues.  That’s a rough combination…

I have operated under the “every offense gets a consequence” system for far too long because I was always afraid of a behavior becoming a habit.  I now find myself in a bit of a panic wondering if this system of mine has caused some of these aforementioned behaviors.

I’m pretty sure there’s always a bit of panic involved in parenting… Am I doing this right?  Should I do this?  Should I do that?  Should I NOT have done that?  Is this decision forever altering the course of their future???  How on earth was I chosen to turn these tiny people into responsible adults who know how to clean a toilet and earn a paycheck?!?

Then I breathe.  I look at who they are right now.  Right now they need to be loved.  And encouraged.  And redirected.  And taught.  And helped with their homework.  And reminded to put on clean underwear.

I look at who I am right now.  I can’t change the mom I’ve been, no matter how hard I wish I could.  What I can do is make a decision regarding the mom I will be from this moment on. I will focus more on correcting than giving a consequence.  I will extend grace.  And I will pray and pray and pray to God, who loves them infinitely more than I do, that He can cover over my inadequacies for the past 10 years (and the next 70) as their mom.  I will pray that His plan for them will unfold according to His will in spite of me.  I will ask to be filled with wisdom, patience, grace, forgiveness, love…all of the many things I need in order to be their mom.

And I will still mess up, everyday.  I will ask them for forgiveness, and I will really work to not make the same mistake again.  I choose to turn my panic into prayer, and trust the One who has trusted me with these three Littles.

[subscribe2]