Have you ever noticed how terrible kids’ timing is? They never puke while you’re still awake (usually somewhere in the 12-3am range), they realize they don’t have a drink the minute you’re ready to eat your own food that you’ve FINALLY managed to get on your plate, they don’t need you until you’re in the bathroom, they wake up early on Saturdays… and on and on in a comical list that I know many others could add to, and we would all nod in a sad sense of understanding and empathy.
My kids are now 6, 7, and 8, and their poor timing is coming out more and more in their words. Grace (8) is getting smarter and more aware of the world around her. This tends to come out in the form of understanding our sarcasm and occasionally trying her hand at using it. At the wrong time. Like when I’m disciplining her, or hanging on by my fingernails to the end of the rope. Or she does what we now call “pushing back” because she argues with us when we call it arguing (yes, I see the obvious there). All of the times that she says “but can I” after we’ve said No just about makes me start twitching.
Eli (7) has an amazing gift for turning on the TV at precisely the wrong moment…like just after I’ve told them to put their shoes on. Or told them that supper is ready. Or that it’s bedtime. Truly, it’s remarkable. If it were physically possible for lasers to shoot out of my eyes, this would be the time for it to happen.
And then there’s Ada (6). Oh, Ada. Ada’s big thing right now is, “Well when I’m a grown up…” and then she tells me how she’ll do this parenting gig better than I am currently. Like this morning – I told her to wash her hands and face after having waffles, but please don’t turn the kitchen faucet onto the sprinkler (it’s really hard to turn back). “Well when I’m a grown up I will OWN this house. And I will have kids and I will let them use the faucet like a sprinkler because I will be the one making the rules.” OK, Ada. And tonight, we were having yet another discussion about cleaning her room. Her consequence was that whatever wasn’t picked up off of her floor by bedtime would be confiscated, so I was in following through with my promise, and she said, “Well when I’m a grown up, I won’t make my kids clean their rooms, and I won’t spank them (this was not for cleaning, this was for hitting her sister with an umbrella in anger) – I will only speak to them kindly.” OK, Ada. Perhaps telling me while I’m taking 2 boxes full of toys that I’m not parenting right is poor timing because let me tell you – this isn’t exactly the bright shining spot in my day either.
Here’s where it gets tough – we are c o n s t a n t l y teaching our kids. I have to teach Grace if what she said was inappropriate and why, and I have to do it in a calm voice. I have to explain to Eli why turning the TV on right now is a poor choice and there will be a consequence, and I have to do it in a calm voice. I have to let Ada have ideas about how she will parent, and I can’t let it force a reaction out of me because I AM the parent. There’s no point in arguing because she’s 6 – she’ll probably change her mind in the next 20 years. Kids have poor timing, and unless I teach them, they will become adults with poor timing and spouses with poor timing.
My goal is not to raise robots, but it most certainly is to raise respectful adults who love God and love people.
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