Grace doesn’t like school. I know most kids don’t, but this is a sometimes daily battle, and we’re back in that time. Crying, stalling, arguing, insisting that she already knows everything… sigh. Why don’t YOU have to go to school? School’s no fun! If school was fun I would pay attention. I don’t need to go to school anymore. Why do YOU get to do what you want all day?? Yes, THIS puts me in a good mood at 7am.
I tend to try different tactics from day to day, to see which will work. Sometimes I’m firm, sometimes I ignore, sometimes I’m empathetic, sometimes I go to great lengths to really explain why, sometimes I blend two. But nothing seems to sink in. When she’s REALLY upset, Chad tells me these aren’t teachable moments, that she’s not in a place where explaining will do any good (this is good wisdom).
Today, things took a turn for the worse. She got in the car after school and told me that she thinks she has to go to school just so I don’t have to take care of her during the day. And we’re done. If you’re bored, or frustrated, or overwhelmed, or tired….fine. If you want to say something that’s unkind about me in your mess? Not so much. I explained (again) that she has to go to school. She doesn’t get to choose. That’s rough, and seems unfair, but it’s just true. I listed the awesome things she has learned so far, and the fun things she gets to do at school – and for every positive she matched it with a negative. So then I told her I was done with this. If she needed to talk to me about a problem at school, or something she was worried about, I would listen. I WILL NOT listen anymore about her just not wanting to go to school because she’s just not trying. Period. She’s not trying to have fun or enjoy it. She’s not trying to take any of my advice. If she’s not going to try, then neither am I. I know I’m the parent, and I’ve been the parent. But at some point she needs to take the responsibility for trying. I can’t make her try.
*Note: this is not a “suggestion” type of post, more of a confession/getting this off of my chest type. 🙂
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j,
we had a very similar conversation the other day. i just told the kids it was illegal for them not to go to school and i cared about them too much to have me locked up in jail and them given to some stranger to be cared for.
end of conversation. 🙂
so, was i exaggerating a little… maybe… but eventually that would happen… therefore, self-justified. the ins and outs of the US legal system and child protective services will have to wait for another day…. now eat your stinkin’ toast! 😉
I am happy to report that the last two mornings have gone smoother since I’ve banned this particular complaint! Sorry you’re dealing with this too Courtney, but thanks for normalizing this frustrating area of my life! You’re such a good friend. 🙂
My most trying in this area is still only at pre school! When he goes to school next year (I’m in Australia, so he goes in January) it’s going to be hell! I’m a bit luckier in that I’m a school teacher, so I do have to go to school!! I also pull the legal argument with my oldest. He doesn’t complain too often, but I use legality to nip it in the bud!!
Hang in there, hope the improvements continue 🙂
Kristy
Hey, it’s rough in preschool too! I’m not going to minimize that. I still have to remind myself that it’s not my job to make them LIKE school, just to go.
Thank you for continuing to read, Kristy, and your comments! I appreciate them – all the way from Australia even!