What?  There’s a down side?  Yes, in a manner of speaking.  Reacting is easier.  It just happens.  It’s like a reflex – the doctor smacks your knee and your foot jumps out.  You don’t think, you just act.  It doesn’t take effort.  But you might kick someone, because you’re not really in control.  That’s WHY we parent with intention instead of just reacting.  We need to be in control – of ourselves, not our children.

This is where the down side comes in… it’s exhausting.  It is physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausting.

Physically – no more parenting from the couch.  You have to actually go see what’s happening and intervene.  I’m not judging here, I’m confessing.  I have mastered couch parenting.  Upstairs and back down, then up again, and back down.  And I’m tired.

Mentally – What new consequence can I conjure up today?  Because the one I invented yesterday apparently didn’t do the trick.  I can’t make you change, but I can make it really painful not to!  Spanking no longer does the trick for my kids, so I have to be creative.  The first to go is Wii or computer time, then TV, then bedtime gets moved up, then I start taking away toys (like an entire toy type!).  Sometimes I have to get more creative though, like when they (and by they I mean the boy) slam the door I make them calmly and gently open and close it five times.  They (he) really hate that!

Emotionally – When parenting an anxious child, this one really takes its toll.  “I know you’re sad, let’s figure out what you’re really upset about.”  These are the words I have to choose, not “This isn’t a big deal!!”  Or when Eli is really angry, it’s “You’re allowed to be angry in your bedroom where it’s safe, not downstairs where the family is” instead of “Knock it off and go to your room!”

Choosing to be the sane one in what feels like an asylum most of the time is t-i-r-i-n-g.  But I made a decision that I want my children to grow up to be adults who love God, love people, and make responsible decisions.  If I parent from the couch, lock them in their rooms without instruction, and never teach them how to manage their emotions, I will be setting them up to fail.  And in order to succeed at my goal, I need breaks.  One night a week I get out of the house on my own to do whatever I want.  It is on the schedule.  I know it, my husband knows it.  He even looks forward to it – it’s when he watches his sci-fi shows 🙂  And right now I REALLY need a break, so my husband is sending me to a hotel for an overnight by myself.  (He needs a break too, he gets one night a week off as well!)

As moms we don’t get to “leave work” at 5.  Or have days off.  Or have a weekend.  We live this.  If we don’t take a break to just be, we WILL break.  I know this isn’t news to any of you, but maybe you need a reminder.  None of us can do it all.  None of us should do it all, and none of us is expected to do it all.  I release you from feeling like you need to do it all!  Get some time to yourself, whenever and wherever that may be.  Ask for help.  Let the laundry and/or dishes go.  Allow the momma in you to rest so she is ready to tackle this big, big job again.

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