I read an incredible blog post the other day, and I posted it on Facebook, but I also wanted to write about it. This post talks about how as parents we feel this pressure to enjoy every moment of parenting, that the kids will grow up so fast, that we’ll blink and they’ll be gone. Some days I blink and blink and blink, but they’re still here.
I love my children. I love Grace’s compassion, and Eli’s contagious happiness, and Ada’s spunk. I love, love, love them. I am excited to see what God has planned for them, and I can’t believe that He has trusted me to raise them. But parenting is no joke. I’ve heard many times that “parenting is the most important job you’ll ever have” – but it’s not a job. You go home from jobs. You get vacation from jobs. You get sick days. You get weekends. You can change jobs. (I don’t want to change kids, I’m just making a point.)
This is not a job. This is a life.
Why is it frowned-upon to vent about parenting? It seems like moms are always supposed to be happy and enjoy every moment of every stage that they are in. Guess what? Potty training sucks. Taking away a pacifier sucks. Cleaning up puke sucks. Going through a biting phase sucks. Going through a kicking phase sucks. Deciding whether or not to hold your child back a year in school sucks. Signing up your child for therapy sucks. Holding your child’s face so he doesn’t watch the doctor reattach his thumb? That sucks.
Why do I write this? I have found great value in being honest with other moms about where we’re at in this momma life.
1. There can be a great deal of isolation in being a mom. I’m not saying there always is, but there can be. Part of that isolation is feeling as though no one else understands what we’re going through. If we were honest with one another about the phases we were going through with our kids and the struggles we were having, that isolation could melt away! I have seen so many tense shoulders relax with a sigh of “You understand!” just by sharing a simple story of a similar experience that I’ve had.
2. Being honest with a friend brings greater support. When someone knows what’s really going on they can walk with you on the journey – praying for you, helping you more effectively, truly being a friend rather than just assuming everything is fine because you said it is even though it isn’t.
Grace’s therapist once said to me that I was going a great job (Thank you!), and that there would be days when I would get full (um…yes). When those days come, I can unload on Chad or other adults, but not my children. I’m taking the liberty to add in the “other adults” part. Sometimes I get full of cranky garbage, and I have to unload it somewhere safe before it comes out on the kids. It doesn’t mean I don’t love my children, or that I’m going to drop them off somewhere or do something irrational. It just means that this life is hard. It is every minute of every hour of every day, forever and ever, amen. Find some safe friends, be real, be honest, tell them what’s really going on, let them walk along side you in this journey. That way you’ll be able to better enjoy the time with your kids. That’s been my experience anyway.
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