Allow me to paint you a little picture… my three darling children are happy, healthy, playing in the living room at my parents’ house.  Grace is 2 1/2, Eli is 1 1/2, and Ada is three months old.  I am in the kitchen pacing, moving my hands back and forth uncontrollably, having a panic attack, unable to deal with the magnitude of raising these three darling children who depend on me for every single need in their lives.  This is the moment when I thought, “Hmm… I wonder if this is postpartum depression?”  So I made a few calls, someone came to the house, and I went to see my OB.  I got some meds, went to a friend’s house, and made an appointment with a counselor.

If nothing else, having one hour a week where I got to sit on a couch in a quiet room without children could have been considered therapy.  Having the opportunity to discuss what was on my mind, what I was worried about, what I thought I couldn’t handle – that was just a bonus.  I’d like to share with you some of the gems I got from those counseling sessions.  They remain with me today, five years later, and I’ve passed them on to many women along the way.

1.  Soldiers
My counselor used the description of soldiers – I have these little soldiers all over me, and they’re always on guard.  When I’m sleeping, they’re still there.  If I think I hear a kid puke two rooms away, I’m up grabbing a bucket and a washcloth!  If I’m out on a date or with friends, my cell phone is on the table in case the sitter calls.  It takes a lot, and I mean a lot, for these soldiers to finally, fully relax.  It has gotten better since I’ve gotten older in my role as a mom, and as my kids have gotten older.  I’ve relaxed about this whole “parenting” gig, and my kids’ needs aren’t so great.  You basically just have to play with them and keep them from hurting each other.  They can get their own food and go to the bathroom on their own.  I still use this term though, so now you’ll know what I mean if you ever hear it.

2.  Mourning is OK
When I had Grace, it took me a while to fully commit to this new lifestyle.  I still wanted to go out, stay up late, go where I wanted when I wanted.  I didn’t like giving myself over to this new schedule of naps and bottles.  I’m spontaneous by nature and babies are… not.  Babies like schedules, and I like babies to sleep through the night which means being really intentional about their schedule.  So having three babies in 29 months was a large adjustment (in many aspects).  The counselor basically had to give me permission to mourn the life I used to have.  It’s OK.  You can miss the life you used to have, and that doesn’t make you a bad mom.  Miss it.  Be sad.  Then, move past.  Look at the life you have now, and maybe look for ways to sprinkle that old life in.  I needed to sprinkle spontaneity into our life.  That’s hard with three little kids, trust me.  Now that looks like last-minute picnic lunches at the park, or saying “yes” to the kids’ requests for sleep overs (at our house that’s just when the three of them sleep in one room), or walks after supper, or getting ice cream at night.  It’s the freedom to say yes at the last minute.  The same is true for newly married women – it’s OK to mourn the life you used to have.  Perhaps you can find ways to add some of that old life into the new one.  There’s such a thing as too much change too soon.

3.  Too Much Multi-Tasking is a Real Thing
I remember sitting in her office talking, then I would forget what I was talking about.  It was like my brain hit the pause button, and I had no idea what was going on.  It was a little scary to be honest.  She explained that I was so used to multi-tasking that when I had the opportunity to only focus on one thing, I almost couldn’t do it.  I was hyper-multi-tasking!  I needed to slow down.  I had three kids under three years-old – yeah right!  Seriously though, I did.  I needed to slow down.  You know how everyone says to nap when they nap?  They’re right.  You know how everyone says the housework can wait?  They’re right.  Chad just told me last week that I budget 110% of my time, so apparently I still haven’t fixed this problem.  Really though, show me a mom who doesn’t struggle with this at least a little bit!

Maybe this helped you, maybe not.  I need to remember these lessons still.  I need to slow down.  I need to have fun.  I need to let my soldiers rest so I can really, truly rest.  My children are going to my parents’ house for four days in July so Chad and I can really, truly rest, and let me tell you – I CANNOT WAIT!!!  I love my children more than I can express, but I will like them a bit more after a break. 🙂