For those of you who don’t know me very well, I can be… kind of stubborn. Alright I’m really stubborn. Sometimes my stubbornness is good, and sometimes it hurts me. My most recent example of the latter occurred at a staff retreat to a middle school camp. There’s a climbing wall with four different levels of difficulty: easy, medium, hard, and ridiculous. My pride decided “You can do that hard one, Janna”. So I tried it and got all of five feet off the ground. It felt like being kicked in the gut. So I then moved on to the medium wall. Surely I could handle the medium one! I can’t tell you how long it took me to climb it, but I can tell you that I had no use of my hands for two hours afterwards. For the next two days, strange things hurt my arms like using a stapler or wringing out a washcloth. My friends were so proud of me. Chad, who knows me better, said, “What did you learn from this?” My stubborn response was that I need to get stronger so I can do it better. He was getting at was more along the lines of “Is your pride worth the cost you paid?” It’s a valid question.
Then two more things caught my attention this week. First, I was taking one of the middle seats out of the van. Chad noticed me struggling with it and asked if I needed help. Are you kidding me? I got this! I said, “No, I can do it.” His wise response was, “I know you can. Asking for help doesn’t mean you can’t do it.” Hmm. Someone can help me, and it’s not a sign of weakness? Hmm.
Second, my small group is going through “Boundaries for Kids” and the chapter for last night talked about taking responsibility for many areas of life, including your limits. Hmm. I’m responsible for the things I can’t do? As in, being aware of them and acknowledging them? Hmm.
I don’t like having weaknesses. I don’t like feeling weak. I don’t like to cry because I feel like I’m not in control of my own body and emotions. I don’t like it when I can’t physically do something. I don’t like it when I don’t know an answer. I don’t like it when I can’t figure something out. I don’t like it.
But here’s some of what the Bible says about my weakness:
Romans 8:26 “the Spirit helps us in our weakness”
2 Corinthians 11:30 “If I must boast, I will boast of the things that show my weakness”
2 Corinthians 12:9 “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness”
John 11:35 “Jesus wept.” Really Janna? You’re too strong to cry? Well Jesus wept. Are you stronger than Jesus? No. I didn’t think so.
If you can do it by yourself – fine. If you can’t, you can ask for help and YOU WON’T BE JUDGED. That one’s going to take me a while. But I will work on it beginning now. God didn’t ask me to do it by myself. He doesn’t expect me to do it by myself. He doesn’t want me to do it by myself. So here I go. Baby steps…
Great post, honey. And a great reminder for the husbands out there that read your blog (including myself). I am tremendously blessed by you and I love the determination that you have in life. I'm glad that I have the privilege of walking with you through it.
I too love your strength – even your strength in searching this topic. You continue to be an inspiration to me.
Actually…Erin is Sheri 🙂
Whew, Janna is "bringing it" with her posts these days! I truly appreciate this…. and I appreciate your strength…. AND I appreciate your weaknesses, too. Isn't it interesting that our weaknesses tend to be the things that we hate most about ourselves and try to hide. However, I don't know about you…. but nothing is more inviting to me in a friendship than when another woman has the courage to be authentic in the midst of weakness and struggle.
Seriously, what a beautiful post. Thank you.
Janna, I love this and can so relate. I may be with you in the category of "stubbornness" – unfortunately. It's painful to admit that I am weak, and I really do want to have it all together – but, by golly – very regularly I am reminded of how weak I really am. And yes, I even cry. But I believe we can come out of those "weak" moments even stronger, more beautiful – and most importantly, closer to God. I've realized I can't do it alone – I need my God and I need my friends and mentors! I've surrendered. I'm weak! 🙂