As our kids get older, it’s tricky to know what is and isn’t appropriate to blog about. Their privacy is important to me. I don’t want them to someday discovery that I have a blog (in a very, very loose sense of the term) and be mortified about what I’ve shared.
But here goes.
Our children are 11, 12, and 13 years old. The disrespect in our home is on an upward swing. “Well, Janna, we don’t let our kids be disrespectful.” That’s wonderful. We don’t let them be disrespectful either, and yet here we are. They are free-willed, eyes-rolling, sigh-giving, hormone-washed, attitude-wielding, feet-stomping, door-slamming teen and preteens. It oozes out of them without my consent. Their disrespect game is strong, because that is what they’re supposed to be doing at this age. They test the boundaries.
We give boundaries. We give unconditional love. We set expectations. We slowly dole out more freedoms. We confirm the unchanged boundaries. Again. Again. Again. We hug them and love them, and give natural consequences. We are really, prayerfully, doing the best we know how, and yet here we are.
Here is my point. We recently made a new rule that has changed our house, and my blood pressure. When a parent has been deeply disrespected, that parent taps out. It’s beautiful and amazing. When a child decides to go toe-to-toe with me, and the fire starts to work its way up my body to shoot out of my eyes, I tap out. Chad takes over. Why? Because I’m no longer interested in teaching with love, I want to win at all costs. I am the mom! I gave you life! You want to challenge ME? Oh hell no. (sorry mom) So I back down, Chad takes over, and I cool off. Same is true when a child stands up to Chad and he might then end them. I take over.
If you are experiencing any of the above in your home, know that you are not alone, and maybe consider our new rule. It’s saving countless lives. (I’m joking. Mostly. Pretty much. I’m not sure anymore.)