So Eli’s anger. I can see that we’re getting better at managing it, and though every fiber of my being wants to engage, I have seen time and again that if I don’t his outbursts are shorter lived. There’s a win.
The problem I’m seeing now is that he is getting bolder with his disrespect. He flat out refuses to do what I ask, and when I calmly give him the opportunity to choose different words, he repeats himself.
“What happens if I don’t?”
“I’m not doing my homework.”
“What’s another reason why I should?”
What concerns me more than all of this is what I feel happening in me. I can stay calm when he is angry. I can choose a calm voice and stay in control of myself. I don’t engage in his vortex of crazy.
When he is done being angry, and he is back to my sweet boy, it’s like a switch flips in me and I don’t have to be calm and nice and in control anymore. Walls go up and the damage he has done can be felt. And it takes me a good long time to come down from this feeling.
This really and truly scares me. I don’t want to have walls up between me and my child. I love him, and will guide him through this tricky phase.
I guess this is just a “state of the house” post. And perhaps a prayer request. This momma is soldiering on…