I have two daughters, finishing 4th and 1st grade.  I want to have girls with a healthy self-image.  Unfortunately, this won’t happen magically, or accidentally, or overnight.  I’ve been reading a lot about this lately, through the years really.  I’ve agreed with much, disagreed with some, and been offended by a few.  When it comes to subjects like this you just have to take the pieces you believe to be accurate and aligned with the heart of God (which can be tricky!) and create your family’s puzzle.

Here is what ours looks like so far.

I’ve heard that we shouldn’t tell girls they are pretty because it over-inflates their self-image.  A piece I took from Dr. Dobson’s Bringing Up Girls is that we can and should tell girls they are pretty, because deep down this is a longing all girls have, and either they can hear it from us or they will seek it out elsewhere.  Think back on every time a little girl dresses up and comes to you saying, “Don’t I look pretty?”  Even now when I dress up for an evening out, I want Chad to notice and say something.  But his eye is the only one I’m looking to catch.  So I tell the girls they are pretty, and it’s because God made them.  It is not because of their clothes or their hair.  When they dress up and coming running to me with a big smile, I tell them their clothes are lovely and they are beautiful no matter what they wear.  This is a little sticky now when I’m working with them on actually MATCHING their every day outfits… those don’t match, but YOU are still lovely! 🙂

Snacks.  Oh snacks.  They would eat chocolate and junk all day long if I let them.  And I’ve learned that if I always say no, our oldest hoards these items in her bedroom and eats them in secret.  So I have to say yes, but I always have her eat a healthy snack first, like fruit or string cheese.  Moderation and balance seem to be the key.

A mistake I made a few years ago was making my Weight Watchers season all too public in our house, so the girls kept asking me how many points their food was and if they should eat it or not.  So I had to dial back on that, and reinforce that they are healthy because we give them healthy food and they exercise a lot.  THAT is the goal, not a certain number on the scale.

Dinnertime is paleo in our house (meat and produce).  We give the kids the minimum on their plates, and they don’t have to clear their plates unless they want seconds.  In other words, they don’t get to fill up on the fruit that they love forgoing the vegetable and meat.  They can eat as little or as much as they want, but we don’t do bedtime snacks, so this is it!  This has encouraged them to try a lot of new things and discover that they actually like more than strawberries!

Grace talks a lot about how skinny she is, and we work to redirect her thought process on that.  It’s not about skinny or fat, it’s about being healthy.  Skinny people can be unhealthy too.  This is a tough one, because a lot of people comment on how skinny she is.

So there it is.  This is where we are right now, with two daughters growing up way too fast. Eli…well he just love to eat, and burns every calorie he takes in.  We say all of the same things to him, we know he isn’t immune to the self-image voices out there.  Hopefully our voices will be the loudest.

What have you been doing in your family, or what did your parents do for you?

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