Divorce talks

In the car one day the girls were discussing their future plans, whether the wanted to get married or have babies.  Then Grace declared she didn’t want to get married because she would just get divorced.  What??  She explained it’s because she gets mad easily.  So we had a long, calm talk about divorce, what God’s plan for marriage is, and that daddy and I promised God and each other that we won’t get divorced, so we won’t.  

Later on I had a talk with a friend about how she keeps hearing of people getting divorced simply because they’re unhappy.  Like it’s a car you don’t like anymore.  We talked about how marriage isn’t easy, and sometimes you’re not happy, but I’d rather be upset with Chad and work hard on our marriage with him than any other options I have out there!

If you think about it, there is no one else that we commit to living with for the rest of our lives.  Our kids will eventually move out.  We leave our parents’ homes.  We don’t live with our friends (except for maybe in college).  This relationship is intense, and it is all the time.  Of course there is going to be some tension!!  But if you are in a godly relationship, maybe this is part of God’s refining process.  Maybe this is a little sandpaper action.  (Don’t go telling your spouse you’re the sandpaper and they need to take it!)  What if we considered what God’s design for marriage is as Jesus described it in Matthew 19:4-6, realized that it is permanent, and sought out what God wants to teach us through the relationship?  I trust Chad to be part of my refining process in God’s will.

I say and do stupid things.  I am disrespectful and selfish sometimes.  I hear things that Chad says and I put my own personal spin on them even when I know that isn’t what he means.  I don’t have this all figured out.  But we keep working.  The goal is to not make the same mistake twice.  If I keep learning, and he keeps learning, and we continue to serve each other the way it is needed, then I believe we will be able to keep the promise we made to God and each other in 1999.  I choose to be his wife, in sickness and in health, for richer for poorer, for better for worse.  I choose him.  Every day.  All the days of my life.

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2 thoughts on “Divorce talks

  1. Hey Janna,

    I’m proud of you and Chad! The best thing you can do for your kids is to love your spouse. Just some encouragement. After 40 years of knowing your mother, we still have our challenges, but they seem smaller and less frequent. And, the benefits of staying together? We get to watch our kids and grand kids grow,TOGETHER!!!! And, watching them grow in the Lord we have no greater joy!

    So EVERYONE, RRRRIP that “D” word out of your vocabulary, and and get to work!!! I’m sure you will reap the benefits when you get older!

  2. Amen. Love is a choice, not a feeling. I choose to love Brian through all circumstances. Thank you writing this.

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