Chad is an incredible husband.  When he gets home from work, he changes his clothes then immediately jumps into family mode.  He does homework with the kids, or helps with supper, or does dishes – whatever needs to be done.  My teammate is home, and we are fully functioning.  THIS is what I have needed for a long time, and THIS is one way he shows his love for me day after day.  I needed to know we were a team, and that I didn’t have to bear this burden alone.  Then something terrible happened…. my needs changed.

I hate it when this happens.  It’s been a while, and it’s been comfortable.  I should have known better.  Suddenly I was feeling empty, tired, short-tempered, and unable to meet everyone’s needs, but I couldn’t really put my finger on why.  I had all these balls in the air, and all of a sudden I wanted to throw those balls at the four people I live with.  I manage a lot in our home and out (can I get an amen?), for the four people I live with.  I often feel like my schedule matters least and is the one that has to be the most flexible if something comes up.  I promise I’m not trying to be whiny, I’m just laying it all out there, because I know many of you feel the same way.  Since I work part-time, and Ada’s in school part-time, I have about four hours a week without the kids.  I know some of you don’t have ANY time without children, so four hours sounds like a dream.  My problem is I try to cram so much into those four hours.  As I’ve mentioned, Chad says I budget 110% of my time.

So, long story short(ish), I had a long talk with Chad (or two long talks, with some tears) (from me), and told him what I now needed.  I need more time.  I simply can’t manage all that I have to manage in the time that I have and maintain my sanity.  I need a few hours on the weekend by myself to run errands at a leisurely pace, without a deadline to meet.  Chad loves me, and wants to meet my needs.  But he can’t meet them if he doesn’t know what they are.  That’s my responsibility.  And yours.  You MUST talk to your spouse about your needs.  I told Chad, “I wish you just knew what my needs were without my having to tell you.”  He responded with, “Well that’s not going to happen.  I’m not a woman.”  Well, more time was Part 1.  Part 2 was that I needed some one to take care of me.  I spend much of my time taking care of my family, and I know that this is what I signed up for.  But truth be told, at the end of the day I’m too tired to take care of myself.  So when Chad said, “All you have to do is tell me you need time alone and I’ll gladly give it to you.”  The weird thing is, I need to not tell him.  I need him to offer it.  I don’t know why.  It makes no sense to me and it makes me feel emotional and it drives me crazy.  But I have to be honest with him in order for this to really work.  I need to be taken care of right now.  So yesterday he asked me when I wanted to go out for a while.  I didn’t ask him when it worked.  It was good.

I can’t stress enough how essential communication is in relationships, particularly in marriage.  If Chad knows my needs, he does his best to meet them.  If he doesn’t know my needs, that’s my fault.  Not his.  Yesterday I was gone for 2 1/2 hours.  I went to Target, Bed Bath & Beyond, Payless, Williams & Sonoma, and got groceries at Walmart.  It was glorious.  I can go into this week feeling ready rather than behind.  We diagnosed the problem and made a plan.  Aaahhh, I do love plans.